Thursday, January 21, 2010

Girls and boys

I read a lot of blogs on various topics but Christopher's blog, The Warrior Poets, is my favorite. It's just really good writing.

Today, his post was called "The Break-Up." Great post. Almost perfect. It should probably be required reading for any pre-teen/teen girl who is contemplating her first date. Because the first date could lead to the first relationship which could lead to the first love which could lead to the first break-up which could lead to the first moment in life when you wish you could take back everything you said.

Here's the one thing I would change from "The Break-Up": Christopher says it's ok to show hurt and even cry when you're being dumped. I say, if it's at all possible, swallow your tears, put on a smile, and just let it go.

Because here's what I've found. If it wasn't meant to be, all the tears in the world won't mend it. If it was meant to be, he'll call back. And you'll marry him. And that's that. Either way, you kept your dignity and you'll have no regrets.

Basically, it's the difference between a boy's perspective and a girl's: boys expect and accept tears from girls. As a girl I say, why give them what they want? Much better to keep them guessing....

I've been talking high school and college girls through relationships since I was in college. One of these days, I'm going to write a book called The Good Girl's Guide to Guys. It will include a chapter on break-ups. And in that chapter, I will quote Christopher: "And if he initiates contact with you (post break-up), be friendly but aloof." These words should be engraved on sterling silver bracelets and handed out to every girl who has to suffer through a break-up. You think I exaggerate? Then no one has ever broken your heart.


  1. I don't disagree... better to save the tears for your pillow if you can swing it. At the same time, I don't count it among the fatal errors. But then again, I'm not talking about the really bad cry face with mascara running down your cheeks, but a well timed tear or two before she lets him check out the swing on her back porch one last time as she walks away with her head held high.

    Thanks for the mention!

  2. Marie,
    Your advice was intelligent. It showed good self-esteem!

    His was oddly familiar. It sounded like he took that straight out of a magazine article.

  3. Hmmm. Well, I do have pretty good self-esteem. Except on those bad hair days. I think everyone should have good self-esteem, especially girls. Too much negative talk out there is directed at young ladies. And, sadly, they are often directing it at each other. More positive self-talk! Less back-stabbing and tearing each other down! And less putting your image of yourself in the hands of the boys you date.

    And Christopher? Great writer. Interesting topics and POV. Definitely not a plagiarist.

  4. Marie : Not usually, true. I could be wrong, but this one just didn't sound like his normal writing style. There's a book called 'Don't Call That Man' by Rhonda Findling that has a section very similar to what his post was. Maybe lots of people feel the same way about what is the best way to respond after a break-up, and so all of our words are close on the topic.